So about 7 months ago my 16 year came to me reveal some of the things he had been doing. It had been going on since he was 12. First I was shocked beyond belief. It took a good couple of days to adjust to what happened. I was afraid, angry and full of despair. I would tell you his story, but it is his to tell so I will not. Did I really want to know this? What was I going to do?
Honesty is a double edged sword. I have many friends who never have had to face the hard truths my life had encompassed. Would I trade places with them. Not one bit. That soul searching, uncovering every defect of character is the bedrock on which my life really began. The truth does set you free….
The real truth is usually revealed by someone else, and usually in a not so great format. If I hear something about myself I don’t already know, I will file it. If I hear something similar more than once I will begin to look at it. Sometimes the universe will show it to me. I have learned to hear the universe, as they speak softly at first and then louder as time goes on. Then like bat up side my head finally until I can’t ignore it.
Facing whatever truth is being revealed allows me to see if I want to keep the defect or let it go. Sometimes the only action that is needed is to face it. I try to do the hard work first. My recovery program dictates when I have hurt someone even accidentally; I own it and stop it. I try to amend the situation. The stopping part is a gradual day by day improvement not an absolute. I am not that brilliant.
There are a couple of lessons on honesty. It is not to be used as a weapon against those you love. It is a character building lesson for you only. Secondly, it is to be used with wisdom. If you don’t want to reveal something it is completely valid to say, “I don’t want to discuss that.” I notice in the zeal to be ‘honest’ at first I was revealing too much. That is not the type of honesty you are trying to cultivate.
You are trying to develop character, in which you honor what you say, and you tell the truth, but more importantly you are honest with yourself. Shakespeare said,” This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”
So now my son and I are working through our issues, and every day it is getting better. He is getting support through Ala-Non, and doing quite well. I am getting happier each day. It was not easy at the beginning or for months, I cried so many times I can’t tell you. The truth allowed him to walk upright as the man he is becoming and it freed me to start doing more of what I wanted. So in the long run it helped. It deepens your relationships and solidifies trust, at least that is what is happening between him and I. The truth allowed he and I freedom, and that is the greatest gift.